It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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