do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
