I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
