Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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