We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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