She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I believe in your delicious
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
