You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
