first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
3 2 1 whiskey
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
