You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
