Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
