He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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