I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
