I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
