a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
