what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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