There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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