Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
