Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
