She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
