Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Me too!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
