I can tuck mytits in my pants
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
