Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
