ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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