is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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