doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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