Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
