Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
