i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
