its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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