I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
