i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
