If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
