I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
