Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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