Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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