no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
