I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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