Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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