i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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