last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
