i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My bed smells like the plague
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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