420 ftw
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
