Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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