U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
They took my balls.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
