I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
