Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
