Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
