this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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