Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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