Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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