im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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