considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
please come you make the beer taste better
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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